


Obsess

by thaniveeverbean



Series: Tylers Obsessions [1]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Disintegration, Mental Instability, Obsession, Obsessive Behavior, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, i wouldnt consider it OCD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-17
Updated: 2016-03-17
Packaged: 2018-05-27 06:18:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6273124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thaniveeverbean/pseuds/thaniveeverbean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tyler just wants Josh to be his and his alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Obsess

**Author's Note:**

> Hello. This story is totally all over the place and I will probably edit it later. It was written on my phone so excuse any mistakes. :^)

No one understands Tyler's obsessions. Specifically his intense obsession with his best friend and bandmate, Josh. No one understands that it has always been this way. Not that anyone actually knows that the only reason they ever met was because Tyler extensively researched and stalked, for lack of a better term, Josh for a couple weeks. Its just that...Josh liked and likes Tyler. That isn't something Tyler is used too. No one tends to like Tyler, the real Tyler, the way Josh does. From the beginning Josh let Tyler be himself. Tyler doesn't really know why but he clung to it, clung to Josh. He quickly became obsessed with Josh and everything that reminds him of Josh. Its manageable for awhile. He quietly collects photos of him sleeping and napping, justifying it with excuses of 'When Josh leaves me like everyone else, i want something to remember him by'. He has a photo folder on his phone titled 'not josh' filled with over 3000 photos of Josh. But then out of nowhere he starts getting angry and Josh starts getting suspicious. No matter how many times Tyler tells himself that hes being irrational, if he sees Josh talking to other people his blood starts boiling in his veins and he just wants everyone to know that Josh is his, his friend, his BEST friend. None of these people know Josh like he does and it makes him angry when people try to claim otherwise. Some people will hang out with Josh once or twice and claim they are best friends and that makes Tyler /LIVID/ so he politely responds via social media with a small little blurb about how this person is wrong and Tyler is Joshs only true friend. Josh starts getting angry too which makes Tyler nervous. When Josh catches Tyler taking pictures or starring or jotting down stuff that Josh does that he thinks is cute Josh demands to know what Tylers doing and Tyler always runs away from the subject either metaphorically or every once in awhile literally. He backs off for awhile, he goes back to silently observing Joshs habits. Unfortunately he notices Josh detaching from him, he notices the hint of bitterness behind Joshs words and he notices Josh become nervous and jittery. He is scaring Josh. He should back off but knowing that Josh is afraid of him makes him attach to Josh more. He has to make him see why he does what he does. He needs Josh to understand. Needs him to understand why he does what he does. NEEDS him to understand that he does it because he /loves/ Josh. That he shouldnt be afraid of him or his obsessions.

Tyler hates that they are becoming known. He hates the commitment that comes with it and that people are talking about Josh in any form whether its negative or positive. If its negative it takes every fiber in his being to not fly to these peoples home and actually murder them. But when its good, ohhhh boy, when its good Tyler has to lock himself in the nearest bathroom and bite into his palm to keep from screaming and crying. It should only be him complimenting Josh. When Josh points out certain compliments with a light blush painted on his cute little cheeks, Tyler will smile and excuse himself, and punch the nearest wall until his mind stops screaming so much. Josh is his. His. 

The closest Tyler has come to actual murder is when Josh starts dating Debby. For a man who literally observes every aspect of Joshs life and regularly rifles through Josh personal belongings including his phone, it seems to come out of no where and Tyler has to stab himself in the actual leg to keep himself from plunging the blade into /debbies/ neck. Tyler silently drives himself to the hospital and gets stitched up and no one ever finds out about it. He picks up the habit of entertaining blades. 

He quietly deteriorates while Josh thrives. No one really pays him attention, since they all know his brains fucked up. They assume he can handle himself. No one mentions the long sleeves and tight pants. No one even mentions the blood caked under his nails. He tries to not let it bother him that even though he notices everything about everyone, no one notices the cresent shaped scars scattered on his hands or the long periods of silence or the hours spent in bathrooms. Not even the fans. Joshs smiles get wider and Tylers scars get thicker. His smiles get more wild and his movements become more jerky and unpredictable, sometimes his head or hand will twitch. He knows he looks insane but his mind is so preoccupied by the thought of losing Josh that he cant find it in him to care. He starts forgetting to take care of himself, instead making sure that Josh is happy and taking care of himself. It gets to the point that Josh starts to call him mom. Which Tyler revels in because that means he's important to Josh. When Debby is over he makes himself scarce and listens in on their conversations. He even installs microphones around the bus. He just needs to know Josh is being treated right. Once he accidently listens in on them having sex and Tyler punches the side of the bus so hard it dents and breaks some stupid bone he doesnt care about in his hand. He cant play ukulele for 3 months and Josh yells at him for 23 minutes and 46 seconds, Tyler counts because he needs something to focus on besides the need to break open his skin with something sharp. Josh is disappointed. He disappointed Josh and he wants to cry and scream and as extreme as it is he wants to jump off of a goddamn bridge, Josh has never looked so upset and Tyler itches to hold him but he no longer knows where the line is and he could never forgive himself if he crossed it. Josh, in the end, just shakes his head, sighs, and leaves Tyler alone. Which, not that Josh knows this, is the worst possible thing to do. The second Joshs bunk curtain is sealed shut, Tyler breaks down. Hes loudly sobbing and he screams quietly into his sticky palm. His skin is wet with slobber and tears and after sloppily making his way to the bathroom, blood. No one knocks on the door, even though they know perfectly well that Tyler has been unstable for a long while. They dont knock even after he grows silent. Even when his vision is fuzzy and his arm is numb, nobody knocks. He tells himself that its them. But really he knows hes done nothing but push them away and creep them out. He has never felt so alone. It hits him hard and out of no where, it feels like when youre just starting to ride a bike and you just can't get it. It feels like skinned, bloody knees and deep rooted frustration. Josh does not love him. In either the way that he loves Josh or possibly at all. If Josh loved him, he would have noticed when Tyler stopped showering, stopped eating, stopped surviving. He would have noticed that all that remained of Tyler was a fridgid skeleton and 13,679 photos of Joshua Dun. Tylers blood is smeared on the floor, on the sink, on the mirror. He isn't even scared. Josh is though. He made Josh scared. Tyler isnt sure if he is making this blood up in his head or if this is all from him, but its thick and congealed and his brain stings. His headache pounds in tune to his heartbeat. He is still alive. He knows that with this much blood and the physical state hes in this is going to be seen as a suicide attempt. He tries to stand up. He drops the blade into a pool of blood and sways back and forth, the black dots infront of his eyes don't go away. He reaches for the door handle and slides it open. As he falls forward into the hallway he hears gasps. His head slams into the edge of his own bunk and he falls limply to the ground. His shirt is off, giving full display of his tiny emaciated body, and the thick deep scars and cuts covering his chest and arms. Josh can see his ribs expand under Tylers paper thin skin. He wants to cry when the first thing that comes to mind is that Tyler deserves this. Someone calls 911 while Josh watches Tylers breathing get shallower and slower. His heart stops beating 1 minute before the ambulance arrives. Mark does CPR compressions while Josh stares blankly at Tyler. When the ambulance does get there Mark goes with Tyler to the hospital and someone Josh doesn't know the name of cleans the bathroom. Josh snoops through all of Tylers belongings. He almost vomits when he goes through his phone. Sees picture after picture of himself some where he is in extremely intimate or compromising positions. Josh reads his notes some are song ideas some are the date followed by a log of everything Josh did that day, some are little blurbs about how much Tyler hates himself. Josh cries when he reads Tylers Journal. Reads entry upon entry detailing Joshs life and entries about how much he loves Josh. He does vomit a little when he reads the newest entry.

' IM TIRED IM TIRED IM TIRED. I LOVE HIM AND IM SCARING HIM AND HE DOESNT DESERVE THIS. why am i doing this? why am i this way? he doesnt deserve this. its my fault. why am i so fucked up? why is my brain doing this to me? i just want to stop but if i do it feels like im going to fucking kill myself. the cuts are getting worse and no one seems to notice. i dont know if im greatful of upset. i have blood caked under my fingernails and ive fainted 5 times in the last two weeks. i think im actually dying now. I just want Josh to be healthy and happy.' 

Josh leaves the journal where he found it. He is scared. He has been scared.

Tyler never really sleeps but still somehow finds himself waking up in a hospital. Hes in an emergency room he can tell he has been in enough to know. They all look the same anyhow. His chest is extremely sore and tight feeling which means someone gave him CPR which means technically he was dead for an undetermined time. He feels proud of himself. He chuckles quietly to himself. 

He sees doctors outside of his door and drops of blood on the ground near his bed and on his bed and all over himself. He bandaged up pretty good. He got here recently. He sits up in his bed and relishes in the pain blooming from his lungs and ribs. He sits and stares at the wall until a nurse walks in. He politely asks to check himself out, complete with a sickly sweet smile. She looks startled and confused. She glances at the heart monitor and then back at him. She bolts out of the room throwing a 'dont go anywhere' behind her as she runs from the room. He sighs quietly and starts to remove the various tubes and wires attached to his body. He stands up and wobbles for a second then walks out toward the nurses station paying no mind to the fact that he wasn't wearing anything but pants. He asks one of the nurses to check him out and she doesn't question it. He leaves quickly. He makes his way to the tour bus parked right in the middle of the lot and runs his fingers gently over the dent he put there. He knocks on the door. Josh opens it, his mouth is wide open and Tyler feels regret and shame. He makes his way to where he keeps his clothes, ignoring whatever Josh was going on about. Something about how he shouldnt be out here yet. He gets what he need and goes into the bathroom. The fact that he almost killed himself in here doesn't faze him as he peels off his week old pants and turns on the shower. He ignores Joshes quiet careful knocking and removes the thick bandages, he steps under the still cold spray. Theres barely any water pressure but he scrubs at the shallower wounds and runs water gently over the stitched up ones. He scrubs apple scented soap into his hair and realizes he still has a bandage ovehehis forehead he takes it off and lets it fall to the floor of the shower. He cleans up real good. really scrubs away the dirt and grime thats built up from show after show. When hes done he dries off thoroughly and gently rebandages the wounds that need it and brushes his teeth. He cuts his nails and files them down until they are blunt and round. He combs his hair out. Its gotten much longer. He makes a mental note to get it cut soon. He wraps his hand back up. The bruised bones still tender from breaking. He gets dressed in clean clothes and leaves the bathroom. Josh is sat on the coach rocking back and forth. Tyler walks up to him and asks for his phone. Josh is hesitant to give it to him. Tyler know he saw. He quietly tells Josh that he should delete them. So he knows its done. He does (he lets Tyler keep some of the cute ones). Tyler burns his journal in the sink of the tiny kitchen and deleted all logs of Josh. He knows that his mind will fight him and he will feel moments of regret. But he would rather lose memories than Josh himself.

**Author's Note:**

> pls tell me if this was awful. Also i wanted to keep it very open ended so you guys could let your imaginationd wander. thanks for reading though!!


End file.
